First a little background. I'm gay. That's lesbeen to those of you whose minds automatically conjure up an image of a bitchy fairy in capri pants, who likes to sip martinis and criticize ladies fashion choices. You know who you are. Just admit it.
So I've pretty much known I liked the ladies since high school, but instead of staring them down in gym class, and hosting a plethora of elaborate slumber parties, I decided that coming out would be social suicide, and I decided to pull the plug on my social life before my homosexuality could. That's right, my young teenage brain was so sure that coming out would be met with zero acceptance, that I completely cut myself off from every friendship I had (and even back then, there weren't very many). I stopped looking at girls altogether so they wouldn't think I was staring. Eyes down at my shoe laces. That was the safest place for them. Rendered essentially invisible, I would never have to face the consequences of being sexually attracted to girls ever again.
Eventually I realized that people are, in general, much more accepting than I was giving them credit for. However, by the time I had had this great epiphany, I had essential cut anyone even resembling a friend out of my life. My high school days went like this: go to school, go home, turn on the television, do work, watch some more television, eat, late night with conan o'brien, something gay with the volume turned down so low that even I could hardly hear it, change to something dull and socially acceptable, make sure that the "last" button doesn't change the channel to that gay shit I was watching, fall asleep on the couch at 3:30 am, wake up at 7:30, repeat. Weekends were full of more tv, and the occasional movie or bubble tea with my mom or sister.
But the point is that in that time, I used the time that I could have spent joking with friends, and macking on girls with soft hair and thumb rings to scour the internet for any and all things gay. It is a skill I continue to hone to this very day.
So without further ado, I present you with a list of movies you probably didn't know had lesbian characters in them. (Oh how wrong you were).
1. Election.
The main story is about how washed up high school teacher Mattew Broderick tries to crush the dreams of anal retentive high-acheiver Tracy Flick. But the real surprise (for me anyway) is a B storyline revolving around Tracy's opponent, Tammy Metzler, a jaded young braceface, who appeals to the 90's teen slacker in all of (or at least to the ones in her school). Oh yeah, and she likes making out with the wyman folk. But as Tammy notes, "It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've ever been attracted too happen to be girls." Oh yeah Tammy, we've never heard that one before.Here's Tammy's enlightening presidential campaign speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTi2G4AzfVs
Check it out around 1:29. Too true Tammy, I never really understood why that's a punishment either.
Seriously, even if you're not gay, check this movie out. It's awesometastic, fo shiz.
2. Higher Learning
Higher learing is a 90's type film that tackles the "issues" of the day. As you can see from the political symbols that pepper the poster, we've got it all. This film tackles racism, feminism, lesbianism, rape, gun violence, it's basically the most giantist PSA you ever did see. Oh, and did I mention lesbianism? That's right, a small portion of the movie focuses on Kimberly Swanson's attraction to a young Jennifer Connelly, a feminist undergrad who helps Swanson to overcome a rape, and tells her where the blue lights are around campus. Yeah, I'm serious.
But despite the amount of rigid PCing going on in this movie, it's actually pretty good, and does a decent job of confronting issues that often get skirted around. This movie was basically my college fantasy. I mean, not the part where the Neo-Nazi outcast shoots up the school, or the part where Tyra Banks performs some weird kind of nipple lick on Omar Epps, but the part where college students are motivated and engaged, and aware of politics and social change. The part where professors are like living encyclopedias, and you play eye catch with a studious Jennifer Connelly while pouring over your world literature texts in the library. Oh yeah, this movie was my college wet dream, and needless to say, it never quite came to fruition. If you watch this don't be fooled. Your college roommate will probably be suited in Abercrombie and Uggs, just like the rest of them.
3. Swimming
Shy Frankie is spending another dull, touristy summer on Myrtle Beach. Then she meets Josee, the outgoing new girl who fascinates her, and who she starts following around like a little puppy dog. She also meets some stoner guy, and they have a little relationship as well (mostly instigated by him).
I simultaneously am in love with Frankie, and feel like I am Frankie. Yes I am aware of how narcissistic that is. But seriously, I was really as painfully shy as Frankie at one point in my life. Now I definitely have more confidence than I did, but there's definitely still traces of it left. Big, streaky traces.
However I also think Lauren Ambrose is totally hot in this film. I love the little tomboy thing she has going on here. I don't know why. I do tend to have a thing for red heads. But I'm less attracted to her when she's all girled out. I'm not sure why, but something about those frumpy overalls and bewildered expression just gets to me. We'd be a horrible couple though. It would just be hours of endless silence, and no one would ever be willing to make a move.
But seriously, even though you've never heard of this movie, you should go watch it. It's really quite good.
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