Mommy and Me

So, I'm at dinner, and I say to my mom, "What's happening tomorrow?" Then she says, "I don't know." There's a long beat, and then I say, "Wanna help me look for an internship?" And she says, "Okay, I'll look for you--help you look, Tomorrow." And that Freudian slip, my friends, basically sums up our relationship. She does everything for me, and I let her, because I'm a co-dependant slob, and a waste of a person. Laaaame. This happens all over the place. My mom took me to the mall today too to return Xmas presents that didn't fit/were made of allergy-inducing wool. And by "took me" I mean that I was there, standing behind her, while she told the woman at the counter that she wanted to return these gloves, and get those ones. When she told the woman at Journey's that the boots were too big and that I needed a 7 not a 7 1/2.

I need to grow a pair. A pair of what, I'm still not sure. But I need to start growing them fast, because I'm gonna end up one of those 40-year-old basement dwellers if I don't get a move on.

Musicians a smart person would know about

Here's some good music. The coolest music is the kind that no one knows about. The bigger your fan base, the more uncool you become. That's just common knowledge.

1. Rodrigo y Gabriela. Lose some cool points for appearing on the David Letterman show. They also have a pretty decent fan base, and they're currently #2 on the billboard charts for World Album with their sophomore album 11:11. However, no amount of exposure can totally dampen the amount of awesomeness that is this Mexican guitar duo. Holy hands batman.



2. Nouvelle Vague. A Fronch music collective. Their name means "New Wave" in French which is kind of lame I know. Your hipster friends like this band. If you have hipster friends. If you have friends. But for me, they get an extra helping of cool points for appearing mulitple times on the soundtrack of my favorite (read: the only) angsty lesbian-teen television programme (it's British too), Sugar Rush.



3. Jose Gonzales. Not too many people have heard of this guy, so if you mention his name you'll seem super hip and with it. Unfortunately I just learned that my favorite song by him, Heartbeats, is actually a cover. It's still beautiful though.



4. Brad sucks. Almost no one knows about this dude. Plus his songs are super angsty, so when you're in a depressed mood, put this guy on and know that someone is feelin you pain. There's some real self-effacing stuff buried under the catchy melodies. Put this on right after you finish listening to Beck's "Loser".



5. The Leisure Society. I heard these guys while I was studying abroad in London. I don't know how big they are now, but at the time I heard them, they were opening for Richard Swift. Don't know who Richard Swift is? Don't worry, I didn't either. Don't bother with him, he's kind of a mediocre American Blues guy/drunk. Or at least he was when I saw him preform. The Leisure Society is pretty awesome, chill music though. Plus they have a flute, which is super badass.

Early Xmas

I bought myself an early Xmas gift while I was supposed to be shopping for stocking stuffers.



They look like this, except they're pajama material, and have a drawstring waist. They go down to my knees. Awesome. And only $5.00.

Merry Xmas to me.

Xmas Eve Sorrows

So I went to my cousins' house for Christmas Eve. This is a family tradition that we do every year. I have only one uncle (and no cousins) on my Dad's side of the family, and my Dad is a non-practicing Jew anyway, so there's never been any kind of dilemma about which side of the family to spend xmas eve with.

I used to absolutely LOVE christmas eve. I loved seeing my cousins, I loved exchanging presents, I loved the whole thing. And when my grandma was alive, she used to make me and my cousins all orniments for christmas, like homemade painted ones, which I thought were great. It was a tradition I looked forward to every year.

Now its a nightmare. A fucking nightmare. The cousin who I used to be closest too (we used to wear matching sweatshirts) has turned into the biggest fucking ******** I've ever known. She's loud, and obnoxious, and meeeeeean. Plus, I have to listen to a bunch of racist and homophobic slurs from all of my cousins. My one cousin, the one I hate, screamed SPIC! when when we were driving, because the car she was tailgating was going to slow for her. Then my other cousin's friend came over, and started talking some BS about Jewish people and Asians. Then she threw her coffee cup out the window of the car and said "I'm creating a job for someone." Congrats.

So yeah, fuck Xmas Eve. Now it's all about Christmas Day. Which I'll spend with just my immediate family. But this year my parents are divorced, so I have to spend half the day with each, which sucks. But at least I won't have to listen to "That's so gay" or "she's such a faggot" all damn day. And that's enough for me.

Pocky Men's Part 2

Here's a Pocky Men's commercial update. The gift that keeps on giving.

Look Alikes

Here's some people I think look like each other. Why? Because I want to. Shut up, this is my blog and I'll do whatever the hell I want.

1. Let's start with an obvious one. Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry. Yeah, I know you've already heard this one a thousand times, but holy crap there was a month where I thought that there was just one girl with 2 names. "Is Zooey like her stage name or something?" (Yeah I heard of Katy Perry first, sue me).

They really are different people, swear to Jeebus. Here's a pic to prove it:

Told ya.


2. I ALWAYS mix up Jake Gyllenhaal and Toby Maguire (who's name I almost spelled Toby McGuire btw). And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks they look alike, since they recently got cast in a movie where they play brothers. Called Brothers.


For some reason I am really compelled to see this film, and I'm not sure why. I'm not especially attracted to Natalie Portman, so that can't be it. And really, other than hot girls, what reason is there to watch movies?


3. Jodie Foster and Helen Hunt. I have always, ALWAYS mixed up these too. They got a little easier to identify after Jodie came out, and I started stalking her every move. But really, they look like twins, am I wrong?



4. Okay, so most of the others are probably old news, but here's one that I've never heard mentioned by anyone other than myself. Call me crazy, but don't you think that Kiera Knightly, and a young Freaks and Geeks John Francis Daley look eerily similar? Woah.


This is a little bit of a problem for me, since I am incredibly attracted to Kiera. Does this mean I like people who look like prepubescent boys? Help! I need therapy stat. Oh wait, I'm already in therapy.

Pocky Men's

I went to the Asian grocery store today to do some last-minute xmas shopping. Then I found this.

Ahahahahahaha. Win.

XENA

So.... I've been watching a TON of X:WP lately. That's Xena: Warrior Princess for you non-xenites. Really no one knows about my Xena obsession because, a. I'm kind of a secretive person to begin with, and b. I'm pretty embarrassed about it. Xena is a pretty mediocre piece of television, with lots of contrived plot devices and slapstick acting. So why am I an obsessed super fan? Two reason.

1. Lucy Lawless

Hominahominahomina. Holy crap Lucy is beautiful. Piercing eyes, hot athletic build, crazy comedy skillz. Any show that's 90% me getting to watch a beautiful woman tramp around with a giant sword in a leather and brass getup is okay by me.

2. Lesbeens


Well, so I believe I first heard about the lesbian element of Xena through a Simpson's episode, and then of course went on to further explore it myself. Apparently, there was a little something called "subtext" that lesbians had picked up on in the show. While it wasn't explicitly gey, I guess the lady lovin ladies had found something about the princess and the bard that seemed a to cross the "platonic friendship" boundary. This news didn't really excite me at first. My initial response: "Pshhh, whatever. Lesbians always look for "subtext" that doesn't really exist. It's just a coping mechanism. We don't have many characters on tv that represent us, so we just project our internal yearings onto characters who will always break our hearts and get married off to dashing young men."

Then I watched the show. Holy shamoly. It's so gay that I got it studded wristcuffs for xmas. The looks. The "I love you"s. The hugs. The fact that neither of them ever enter into any sort of long-term relationship at any point during the show. The innuendo. And they kiss! Like on the lips! Seriously, there must be about 5 full or partial lip-kisses throughout the whole series. There's also naked jacuzzi baths, and boob grabs, and the calling each other "soul mates." God I wish I had a friend like that.

I haven't watched all of Xena, because honestly, I only watch it for the Xena/Gab shipping, and there's not enough of it in most of the eppys. 8 mins of watching a Lawless stunt double faux-kick a row of baddies in the head is 7 1/2 mins too much for me, and unfortunately that's what a lot of the episodes consist of.

"You haven't watched all of the episodes?" You say. "Well then what right do you have to call yourself a superfan?" Well, invisible reader, not only do I watch the show, I also look up commentaries from the actors online. I also watch fan-vids on youtube. I also check episode guides to see which episodes are most subtext-heavy. I also frequent a blog called LOLXena. Yeah it's nerdy, and I'm not super proud of it. However, I need to fufill my lesbotic needs somewhere, and if I'm not getting them filled IRL, and the only lesbians on TV are "Oooh, stare at me harded" neurotic and sexless Callie and Arizona from Grey's, then I have to go somewhere. And apparently that somewhere is a campy medevail nerdfest called Xena: Warrior Princess.

So in conclusion, someone find me a girlfriend (preferrably Lucy Lawless's long lost lesbian twin), so that I can get back to reality, and stop trying to scour the web for any small scrap of Xena/Gabby lezzy smirks and boob brushes I can get my eyes on. Please donate today.

Well obviously I haven't been posting a lot recently. And there's a good reason for that. I'm a hopeless slacker who has zero motivation, and is destined for life on the curbside. Heh. Seriously, my plan is to be a writer. Yikes. I'm gonna be one of those writers who can never get past a flowery introduction and exposition. I think I'm Alice from "The World According to Garp," the lisping writer who has a way with words, but can never finish a novel.


Yeah, so anyway, why am i writing now you ask? Well, vast hole of interspace, I'm home for break. And that means I'm bored. It's 2 am, and no one's up, and recently I haven't been going to bed until around 4 in the morn. All of the websites and online comics that I follow are either lacking in updates, or have already been picked over by my scaveging eyes. So no more finals, yay! But no more friends either, boo.

So, update, I'm sick. No, it's not the swine, just a cold. I think. I know that's not the most super interesting news you've ever heard, but if ya don't like it, don't read it! Oh, guess everyone's already taking that advice...

Well I'm trying to figure out how to post images to the web without infringing on other people's rights. So here's a smokin' pic of the j con that I captured off the web with grab, and then converted to a JPEG. It took awhile, and I'm assuming that there's an easier (read: quicker) way to do this, but I don't know what it is, so... I guess this will be what I'm doing. Clearly I haven't been keeping up with posts, and part of the reason is that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm slightly computer illetirate, so this is my best. Video? faggettaboutit.

How do you meet people?

Seriously, how do you make friends? Like if you start with 0 friends how do you meet new people? Or if you hate your friends, how do you search for new ones? I'm excrutiatingly bad at these things and I could really use some advice.

More Complaining

Erg a blerg. I'm sitting in the most useless class right now. Seriously, I'm learning about the guy who created the 1st tabloid magazine right now. This class if full of froshies, who all seem to be coupled and quadrupled up, meanwhile I'm sitting alone in the very back row, two empty seats to my right, three to my right. What a life, what a life...

Funness

So, since I spent my last 2 posts bitching about how much life sucks, I'm going to use this space to contribute something half-way useful to this blog.

First a little background. I'm gay. That's lesbeen to those of you whose minds automatically conjure up an image of a bitchy fairy in capri pants, who likes to sip martinis and criticize ladies fashion choices. You know who you are. Just admit it.

So I've pretty much known I liked the ladies since high school, but instead of staring them down in gym class, and hosting a plethora of elaborate slumber parties, I decided that coming out would be social suicide, and I decided to pull the plug on my social life before my homosexuality could. That's right, my young teenage brain was so sure that coming out would be met with zero acceptance, that I completely cut myself off from every friendship I had (and even back then, there weren't very many). I stopped looking at girls altogether so they wouldn't think I was staring. Eyes down at my shoe laces. That was the safest place for them. Rendered essentially invisible, I would never have to face the consequences of being sexually attracted to girls ever again.

Eventually I realized that people are, in general, much more accepting than I was giving them credit for. However, by the time I had had this great epiphany, I had essential cut anyone even resembling a friend out of my life. My high school days went like this: go to school, go home, turn on the television, do work, watch some more television, eat, late night with conan o'brien, something gay with the volume turned down so low that even I could hardly hear it, change to something dull and socially acceptable, make sure that the "last" button doesn't change the channel to that gay shit I was watching, fall asleep on the couch at 3:30 am, wake up at 7:30, repeat. Weekends were full of more tv, and the occasional movie or bubble tea with my mom or sister.

But the point is that in that time, I used the time that I could have spent joking with friends, and macking on girls with soft hair and thumb rings to scour the internet for any and all things gay. It is a skill I continue to hone to this very day.

So without further ado, I present you with a list of movies you probably didn't know had lesbian characters in them. (Oh how wrong you were).

1. Election. The main story is about how washed up high school teacher Mattew Broderick tries to crush the dreams of anal retentive high-acheiver Tracy Flick. But the real surprise (for me anyway) is a B storyline revolving around Tracy's opponent, Tammy Metzler, a jaded young braceface, who appeals to the 90's teen slacker in all of (or at least to the ones in her school). Oh yeah, and she likes making out with the wyman folk. But as Tammy notes, "It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've ever been attracted too happen to be girls." Oh yeah Tammy, we've never heard that one before.

Here's Tammy's enlightening presidential campaign speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTi2G4AzfVs

Check it out around 1:29. Too true Tammy, I never really understood why that's a punishment either.

Seriously, even if you're not gay, check this movie out. It's awesometastic, fo shiz.


2. Higher Learning

Higher learing is a 90's type film that tackles the "issues" of the day. As you can see from the political symbols that pepper the poster, we've got it all. This film tackles racism, feminism, lesbianism, rape, gun violence, it's basically the most giantist PSA you ever did see. Oh, and did I mention lesbianism? That's right, a small portion of the movie focuses on Kimberly Swanson's attraction to a young Jennifer Connelly, a feminist undergrad who helps Swanson to overcome a rape, and tells her where the blue lights are around campus. Yeah, I'm serious.

But despite the amount of rigid PCing going on in this movie, it's actually pretty good, and does a decent job of confronting issues that often get skirted around. This movie was basically my college fantasy. I mean, not the part where the Neo-Nazi outcast shoots up the school, or the part where Tyra Banks performs some weird kind of nipple lick on Omar Epps, but the part where college students are motivated and engaged, and aware of politics and social change. The part where professors are like living encyclopedias, and you play eye catch with a studious Jennifer Connelly while pouring over your world literature texts in the library. Oh yeah, this movie was my college wet dream, and needless to say, it never quite came to fruition. If you watch this don't be fooled. Your college roommate will probably be suited in Abercrombie and Uggs, just like the rest of them.

3. Swimming
Shy Frankie is spending another dull, touristy summer on Myrtle Beach. Then she meets Josee, the outgoing new girl who fascinates her, and who she starts following around like a little puppy dog. She also meets some stoner guy, and they have a little relationship as well (mostly instigated by him).

I simultaneously am in love with Frankie, and feel like I am Frankie. Yes I am aware of how narcissistic that is. But seriously, I was really as painfully shy as Frankie at one point in my life. Now I definitely have more confidence than I did, but there's definitely still traces of it left. Big, streaky traces.

However I also think Lauren Ambrose is totally hot in this film. I love the little tomboy thing she has going on here. I don't know why. I do tend to have a thing for red heads. But I'm less attracted to her when she's all girled out. I'm not sure why, but something about those frumpy overalls and bewildered expression just gets to me. We'd be a horrible couple though. It would just be hours of endless silence, and no one would ever be willing to make a move.

But seriously, even though you've never heard of this movie, you should go watch it. It's really quite good.

Lies

So my last post wasn't really about me, or this blog, it was just some venting about how much I hate my ridiculous school, and how I'm becoming stupider each day I get closer to receiving my undergraduate degree.

The real reason I'm starting this blog is that after probably around 10 years of wishing for friends and relationships with people who aren't in my head, I am now a college Junior who is living by herself in single person dorm room, and eating by herself at the dining hall surrounded by a bunch of freshman she doesn't know, because the few friends she has are living off campus and no longer require meal plans.

So this blog is a little outlet for me. It's a place for me to vent, and maybe a place for someone else to see what I'm writing, and maybe to be able to connect to it. So far I've had 7 profile views. All of them have been me checking to see if anyone's viewed my profile.

I am literally eating cookie dough out of a 36 oz tub right now. Seriously. There is a specific reminder on the top that says DO NOT CONSUME RAW COOKIE DOUGH. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

(No, I have never seen Gone With The Wind)

Starting Points

So here's a little bit about me, all you people not reading this blog. I'm a Junior in a smallish north east college. Anyone who thinks that college is harder than high school is sadly mistaken. Or maybe it was just me. I mean, I did go to a pretty good high school, but still... In high school I had homework every night, even in senior year, which is supposed a crazy party time for anyone who actually has friends. In college I'll go whole nights without even cracking open a text book, and I have days where I only take one 50 minute class in the whole day. I know people who only have classes on tuesdays and thursdays. If you think college is for some brand of astute intellectuals, you are sadly mistaken. These days, anyone who's parents can afford tuition can go to some kind of college. Even if you're a total fuck up in high school, you can still go to community for two years and then end up at my school. Seriously, what the fuck? Some of my professors are ridiculously incompetent, and they graduated from college too, which only further proves my point. Yuck. Yuck yuck yuck.

I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep. I was going to write about how lonely and depressed I am, but then I found the last episode of True Blood online, and it put me in a good mood, so that's not really true anymore. Plus my friend texted me, so I feel kind of like a fraud if I say I'm lonely right now. I'm sure I'll be in a funk sometime soon enough though, so a real post is hopefully in the works (or maybe not so hopefully for me).